I found this in my email today, something I wrote after waking from a dream, and saved in an email – forgetting about it until I stumbled upon it tonight.
I had a dream tonight. Usually I think to myself……….”I should write this down”……… Yet, I never have before tonight.
So, tonight, I am.
Life. Such an amazing, esoteric path it is for us all, and SOOOOOOOOOOo individual to each of us – what me make of the journey, what, we make of the path, the very individual experiences we all experience. In the end, I believe that it’s a group of wonderful events, mind blowing revelations, thoughts, earth shaking emotional sensations. Connected together by days, months, maybe YEARS of boredom, suffering………..even pain. For some there may be an unfair amount of suffering and pain. Some may have an unfair amount of joys, as well. But there is no one to blame, other than the pilot of each person’s ship, in the end.
No, you. fool, not “god”. The pilot at the controls – and the only person in charge of this life in the end. The pilot at the controls,. The captain of the ship. The “guy driving the bus” in a sense……….. is you, I, everyone else, each on their inividual life path.
Sure , you say. But what about my nasty boss? My nasty spouse / parents / kids / whatever other scapegoats you or I can come up with to pass the blame on when the train becomes derailed, rather than taking it ourselves.
Bullshit. Utter bullshit. I am responsible for all the twists and turns in my life. No one else. is. Good or bad. For example, I could have a dream of going to the Burning Man event in the dessert………….. Or perhaps it is getting into the 200 mph club at the bonneville salt flats. Whatever it is, our dreams are our turf, our responsibility, our loss or gain. Not someone else’s. We can do it, or not. Period. Try, or not. Chase the dream, or not.
Oftentimes such dreams and pursuits end up unusually. Perhaps we may have not been meant to win a race or sporting event, but to meet someone important in our life at said event. But without chasing a dream, said meeting will not happen. Get my thoughts, here? And that chance meeting or person – may be a lifetime friend, or someone who changes our life in a huge way, though only breezing through it, or by us, in a figurative way of speaking. Like a wisp of smoke. That hits us like a thunderclap.
Win or lose……. there is no excuse for “not trying”. for “coasting”. No blame to be laid with anyone but ourselves.
Life is a strange road, a strange trip at times. In the end, only we can judge our own performance, and be satisfied, or not at the end of it all.
We carry the small victories, the amazing events, the inspiring thoughts, along the path of boredom, sometimes defeat. We carry all the big thoughts, things along with us………. while the boring and uneventual times occur.
In the end, we really don’t remember much of the boring times………. each hour spent at an uneventful job, or in an uneventful relationship, or, just “killing time”.
It’s the BIG stuff we remember, that counts to us. And the “Great” little things, too.
I need to make some more important memories in my life. I don’t wish for my story to be a short story, not by years, but short in memories.
Before I get off this bus.